DAYWALKER The Musical

Lyrics

FROST
You know the problem with having a bunch of goon vampires working for you?

GOON ONE
No sir, what?

FROST
They can't appreciate the intricate complexities, the levels of deceit, the sheer beauty and elegance of the planning.

The convergence of threads across the players in the game. They think they're free, but they're my marionettes!

All just part of my orchestra of destruction! You think these ideas just spring out of no where?

GOON ONE
No sir, they probably come out of your brain.

FROST
What's two plus two?

GOON ONE
Four, sir.

FROST
Okay, so you got that one right.

GOON ONE
Thanks, sir. I actually wanted to talk to you about a raise.

FROST
Hey, you over there! Take this guy and get him a raise!

GOON TWO
Yes, sir.

GOON ONE
Agh!

GOON TWO
Anything else sir?

FROST
Congratulations, you're promoted to head goon.

GOON TWO
Does it come with a raise? Hehe.

FROST
Don't get smart with me. I make the jokes around here.

GOON TWO
Yes sir!

FROST
Where was I? Oh right, laying out my master plan. My perfectly architected, articulated, world-enveloping plan. Now clap!

GOON TWO
Clapping, sir.

FROST
You see, Blade has one weakness. He assumes all his problems would go away if he just had his mother. But little does he know-

GOON TWO
That she's dead!

FROST
What? How would he not know that? That's the whole point.

He knows she's dead so he's a whiny halfblood, wannabe world changer about it.

GOON TWO
But sir, aren't you a halfblood too?

FROST
This is insane. Absolutely insane. What keeps giving these guys the idea that I want input?

This is supposed to be a grand monologue, maybe a diatribe, but it's me, not a random unnamed character.

Tell me, Mr. Important, did you go to school before you turned into a vampire?

GOON TWO
Yeah, but I didn't do too good.

FROST
Well, you're demoted again. Back down to regular vampire goon. Send in Bobby.

GOON TWO
Awww!

BOBBY
Reporting for duty, sir.

FROST
Send this guy back to school and take your time with it. When you come back, and this is the most important direction of all, don't...bloodsucking...interrupt me!

BOBBY
Yes sir!

GOON TWO
Aaaaaaghhhhh!

FROST
I asked myself, Frosty, what happens when a vampire bites someone and then gets evaporated before having a chance to feast? Well?

I don't self, but I bet these goon vampires know.

BOBBY
Maybe they--

FROST
Don’t even think about it!

Well indeed, self, that person will eventually turn into a vampire.

Which means, Blade's mother is an unliving, unbreathing, one of us!

Now of course that means she can't love him or anything, but that works in our favor.

And after a bit of digging on Instavamp, one of my interns...ahem...one of my interns.

Hello? That's your cue.

INTERN
Uh...I found her! Sorry, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to talk.

FROST
But we rehearsed the whole thing. How am I supposed to monologue about the perfectly crafted plan when as a team we can't even pull this off?

Now, tell me, you also have the ancient manuscript?

INTERN
Yes, and--

FROST
And you've decrypted it?

INTERN
Yes, and--

FROST
Stick to the script! Do we know how to construct the blood-letting pipeline to summon La Magra? Once it's complete I'll be undefeatable, my reign...inevitable!

INTERN
Already constructed!
And sir, the manuscript says we must have the halfblood Blade’s blood for it to work.

FROST
Well what a coinci-dinc. I can’t wait to see the look on Blade’s face once I find his mother.

INTERN
And sir—
FROST
What?! I am reveling here.

INTERN
But sir, not only did I find Blade's mother on social, I worked with Bobby to bring her here!

FROST
That’s some initiative, baby!
I knew I liked you, Erica.

INTERN
Aaron. Actually-

FROST
If you ask me for a raise right now, I'm going to shutdown this whole operation.

INTERN
I was just going to say and the best part is that she--

FROST
Is that she's going to lure Blade here, but doesn't even care what happens to him. It'll break his halfblood heart.

Now we just have to tell him about it.

INTERN
I'll send that Whistler guy a Facetooth message!

FROST
Hey! I give the instructions around here. Send that Whistler guy a Facetooth message.

INTERN
On it, captain!

FROST
Ahahahaha! A dish perfectly crafted by a master chef. And the only ingredient left to my recipe for world domination is Blade.